【写作小分队】tyyhappy 欢迎狂批^_^

lucystar2012

5-6独立
Have you ever taken an internet class which is given via videos and by which you can learn something whenever and wherever you like? Have you ever noticed that more lectures are given to the public in universities these days? Such is society reality that it becomes easier for modernpeople to learn knowledge for the simple reason that more and more people would like become（to get） further educated compared to past . From my standpoint, widespread internet and open universities(courses from universities) provide more opportunities so that people are nowadays more likely to get educated than in the past.

First of all, it goes without saying that internet plays a vital part in making it more convenient for people to take classes. One can see class videos about the(去掉) ecology; one is able to listen to lecture involved new ideas on Ted; one may take internet classes related to business just the same as having real classes at schools. A great many of information is provided on the internet and whether one gets educated（or not） in this method depends on how he or she uses it. For instance, my classmate Victor, who can speak fluent French, spares no efforts to learn it through the internet, by remembering words and grammar on Hujiang(不懂) and talking frequently with Frenchmen via Skype. He is forever（always） talking about new resources about learning French on the website or good methods mentioned by an internet learner. When it comes to learning French, he points out that without the internet he was unable to grasp a language so effectively. Therefore, internet counts for education indeed.

Also playing an important part is the fact that universities provide more chances for the public to get educated. An observation shows that more than 200 universities’ lectures are open to societies nowadays, involving business， geography， biology and so on. In addition more and more libraries are accessible to the public so that books，especially updated essays and journals（换了一下顺序），are more conveniently available for readers,. Just take my university, which is filled with social students on weekends, for an example. Curriculums about account, finance, investment and economic are given to them who choose the major of finance but have no time to take classes on weekdays. Consequently, universities are offering more opportunities for the public to get educated.

Admittedly, more lures are emerging as the society develops, such as computer games which may probably call much attention and take up time for studying. As the old saying goes, each coin has two sides. Therefore, to avoid the negative impact, we should take control of time and balance the entertainment and learning.

As far as I am concerned, despite the shortcomings mentioned above, we benefit more according to（from） learning as the society develops. When we take the view to scan the whole picture, we cannot emphasize the importance of internet that offers us useful information and online classes too much. Moreover, universities’ openness undoubtedly makes significant sense.

红色和深桃红色是我修改的，蓝绿色是我觉得不错的~~~然后绿色是不懂的。。

总体来看，主题很明显，结构清晰，语法也错误少~~非常喜欢你这篇文章！

tyyhappy

5-8
Have you ever quarreled with parents about choice of academic major as you hold different views? Have you ever thought deeply about your interest and abilities in order to decide your career? Such is common problem that whether children should choose the similar career as their parents. From my standpoint, interest and abilities cannot be ignored when we make decisions about career so that there is no need to work in the same field as parents.

First of all, it goes without saying that interest plays an indispensable role in determining careers. No one becomes a famous constructor when he is interested in art instead of physics; no actor performs well while he spares no efforts on beloved construction; no one can make great contributions to his investment bank as he spends most time on his favorite acting or watching movies. Take my sister, who learns finance in a famous university, for example. Until the moment to make final decision her parents were persuading her to become a teacher as her father. However after my sister’s careful consideration, she regarded interest as the most vital factor for career and chose finance in the end. Smart as she is, she points out that, on one hand, it is you who are doomed to focus in the domain selected for a life but not your parents, and on the other hand, choosing a life or a field or a career you are fond of does good to you. Consequently, I believe that interest goes beyond parent’s career.

Also playing an undeniable part is abilities. We cannot emphasize the importance of the fact that careers should match abilities, or in other word, advantages and disadvantages. For instance, my classmate Victor, who chooses account as major, is always complaining about her carelessness. As we all know, accountants deal with figures and charts every day, with addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division every day. So careless as she is that she failed to pass several subjects related to account though she does utmost to calculate carefully. In fact, she is a girl with wonderful ideas and creative thoughts when puzzles come up or problems emerge so there must be a more appropriate one for her. Therefore, I emphasize that abilities count for career choices.

Admittedly, parents’ careers and occupations have great influences on children as a result of the fact that children grow up in circumstances related to the vocation and know about the profession more. Just as the old saying goes, each coin has two sides. Therefore, children are limited to a specific profession from childhood and this does harm to diversity their interests and knowledge ranges.

As far as I am concerned, children should make decisions avoiding only followed parents’ careers. When we take the whole picture, we should pay attention to what children like. Moreover, abilities should be involved when it comes to careers.

tyyhappy

^_^5-7的独立在9楼，怕你没找到嘿^_^交的有些早哪

包子不包子

Have you ever quarreled with parents about choice of academic major as you hold different views? Have you ever thought deeply about your interest and abilities in order to decide your career?好唉~ Such is a common problem that whether children should choose the similar career as their parents. From my standpoint, interests and abilities cannot be ignored when we make decisions about career so that there is no need to work in the same field as parents.

First of all, it goes without saying that interest plays an indispensable role in determining careers. No one becomes(是不是can be 好一些嘞） a famous constructor when he is interested in art instead of physics; no actor performs well while he spares (sparing 还是spares 呀 不大确定)no efforts on beloved construction; no one can make great contributions to his investment bank as he spends most of his time on his favorite acting or watching movies. Take my sister, who learns finance in a famous university, for example. Until the moment to make final decision her parents were persuading her to become a teacher as her father. However after my sister’s careful consideration, she regarded interest as the most vital factor for career and chose finance in the end. Smart as she is, she points out that, on one hand, it is you who are doomed to focus in ( on？)the domain selected for a life but not your parents, and on the other hand, choosing a life or a field or a career you are fond of does good to you. Consequently, I believe that interest goes beyond parent’s career. 开头很好啊 学习学习 要仔细读才懂得           =。= 我的水平啊。。。 感觉个别连接词有些别扭 也可能只是个人感觉啦~

Also playing an undeniable part is abilities. We cannot emphasize the importance of the fact that careers should match abilities, or in other word, advantages and disadvantages（没大看懂啊）. For instance, my classmate Victor, who chooses account as major, is always complaining about her carelessness. As we all know, accountants deal with figures and charts every day, with addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division every day. So careless as she is that she failed to pass several subjects related to account though she does utmost to calculate carefully. In fact, she is a girl with wonderful ideas and creative thoughts when puzzles come up or problems emerge so there must be a more appropriate one for her. Therefore, I emphasize that abilities count for career choices.

很有条理的 逻辑清晰 是不是有结尾段更好呢 有些突兀的感觉
新人包子 在学习改作文中 现在可能眼力不济 不能帮什么忙哈~

tyyhappy

Have you ever quarreled with parents about choice of academic major as you hold different views? Have you ever thought deeply about your interest and abilities in order to decide your career?好唉~ Such is a common problem that whether children should choose the similar career as their parents. From my standpoint, interests and abilities cannot be ignored when we make decisions about career so that there is no need to work in the same field as parents.

First of all, it goes without saying that interest plays an indispensable role in determining careers. No one becomes(是不是can be 好一些嘞） a famous constructor when he is interested in art instead of physics; no actor performs well while he spares (sparing 还是spares 呀 不大确定)no efforts on beloved construction; no one can make great contributions to his investment bank as he spends most of his time on his favorite acting or watching movies. Take my sister, who learns finance in a famous university, for example. Until the moment to make final decision her parents were persuading her to become a teacher as her father. However after my sister’s careful consideration, she regarded interest as the most vital factor for career and chose finance in the end. Smart as she is, she points out that, on one hand, it is you who are doomed to focus in ( on？)the domain selected for a life but not your parents, and on the other hand, choosing a life or a field or a career you are fond of does good to you. Consequently, I believe that interest goes beyond parent’s career. 开头很好啊 学习学习 要仔细读才懂得           =。= 我的水平啊。。。 感觉个别连接词有些别扭 也可能只是个人感觉啦~

Also playing an undeniable part is abilities. We cannot emphasize the importance of the fact that careers should match abilities, or in other word, advantages and disadvantages（没大看懂啊）. For instance, my classmate Victor, who chooses account as major, is always complaining about her carelessness. As we all know, accountants deal with figures and charts every day, with addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division every day. So careless as she is that she failed to pass several subjects related to account though she does utmost to calculate carefully. In fact, she is a girl with wonderful ideas and creative thoughts when puzzles come up or problems emerge so there must be a more appropriate one for her. Therefore, I emphasize that abilities count for career choices.

很有条理的 逻辑清晰 是不是有结尾段更好呢 有些突兀的感觉
新人包子 在学习改作文中 现在可能眼力不济 不能帮什么忙哈~

-- by 会员 包子不包子 (2012/5/9 0:14:10)

包子童鞋，你少复制了两段嘿，我贴在下面了。
话说改的好早哈，谢谢嘞^_^

Admittedly, parents’ careers and occupations have great influences on children as a result of the fact that children grow up in circumstances related to the vocation and know about the profession more. Just as the old saying goes, each coin has two sides. Therefore, children are limited to a specific profession from childhood and this does harm to diversity their interests and knowledge ranges.

As far as I am concerned, children should make decisions avoiding only followed parents’ careers. When we take the whole picture, we should pay attention to what children like. Moreover, abilities should be involved when it comes to careers.

tyyhappy

5-14
Have you ever come up with emotion problems between your boyfriend or girlfriend that you are not willing to complain to your friend as a privacy? Have you ever encountered someone who speaks badly of your friend and would you tell your friend about it? Such is common dilemma that we could not be completely honest with our friends for the simple reason that we as human beings have our own secrets and furthermore much care should be paid to our friends feelings while communicating. From my standpoint, there are no possibilities to be completely honest with friends.
First of all, it goes without saying that we each have privacies such as feeling problems and life puzzles. No one would tell his friends how often quarrels take place in family when asked about; no one would inform his friends about the salary gaps between husband and wife. So how will you deal with when coming across an unfriendly one who is curious about your personal life? Measures such as refusing answer similar questions or just answering without honest can be taken. Take my ever friend Victor, who is always caring about my family account, for example. Hardly would anyone make friends with her or tell her the truth of their conditions. Consequently, I emphasize the necessity of the existence of unhonest to friends.
Also playing an important part is friend feelings. Honest and kind as majorities are that we are used to tell the truth scarcely with lies, but there are merely limited ones who sometimes speak badly of others because of jealousy. It is unnecessary to talk with our friends about whatever we hear about them. In addition, a survey indicates that most friends who get cancers or serious illness are not informed honestly about their sickness by familiars, in order to convince them that they are going to be well and get out of hospital soon. Therefore, friend feelings count for a lot.
Admittedly, in most conditions, we should stick to be honest as friends are doomed to share happiness and sadness together. Just as the old saying goes, each coin has two sides. Therefore, to avoid the negative impact of unhonest, in merely several limited situations people are permitted to be honest.
As far as I am concerned, it is inevitable to be unhonest with friends sometimes. When we take the view so scan the whole picture, we choose to tell lies or keep silent when it comes to our secrets. Moreover, friends are protected from badly influenced words sometimes when we are not telling the truth.

雅宝2011

蓝色为错误或者疑惑，紫色为修改，高亮为精彩！

5-14
Have you ever come up with emotion problems between your boyfriend or girlfriend that you are not willing to complain to (your friend)them as a privacy? Have you ever encountered someone who speaks badly of your friend, and then （would you)told your friend honestly about it? Such is common dilemma that we could not be completely honest with our friends for the simple reason that we as human beings have our own secrets and furthermore much care should be paid to our friends feelings while communicating. From my standpoint, there are no possibilities to be completely honest with friends.
First of all, it goes without saying that we each have privacies such as feeling problems and life puzzles. No one would tell his friends(even his sincerely friends ) how often quarrels take place in family (withouthesitation )when asked about; no one would inform his friends about the salary gaps between husband and wife. So how will you deal with when coming across an unfriendly one who is curious about your personal life? Measures such as refusing（to） answersimilar questions or just answering without (being) honest或是dishonestly） can be taken. Take my ever friend Victor, who is always caring about my family accounts, for example. Hardly would anyone make friends with her or tell her the truth of their conditions.（觉得再加些让人觉得不舒服的个人感觉会更好） Consequently, I emphasize the necessity of the existence of unhonest（dishonest）to friends （under some special circumstance 更加严谨些）

Also playing an important part is friend feelings. Honest and kind as majorities are that we are used to telling the truth scarcely with lies, but there are merely limited ones who sometimes speak badly of others because of jealousy. It is unnecessary to talk with our friends about whatever we heard about them. In addition, a survey indicates that most friends who get cancers or serious illness are not informed honestly about their sickness by familiars, in order to convince them that they are going to be well and get out of hospital soon. Therefore, friend feelings count for a lot.（感觉这个论点不够充分，仅是个人感觉啊）
Admittedly, in most conditions, we should stick to be honest as friends are doomed to share happiness and sadness together. Just as the old saying goes, each coin has two sides.（这个句子好像最好不要用，我看无老师写过这个好像是中式自创）Therefore, to avoid the negative impact of unhonest（dishonest）, in merely several limited situations people are permitted to be honest.
As far as I am concerned, it is inevitable to be dishonest with friends sometimes. When we take the view so scan the whole picture, we choose to tell lies or keep silent when it comes to our secrets. Moreover, friends are protected from badly influenced words sometimes when we are not telling the truth.



Tyyhappy:我是菜鸟一个，只能帮你修改下边边角角，不知道改的是否准确，你仅作参考哈~文章写得非常流畅，开头排比也很亮，衔接很好，连词很自然。但是有些小问题一起谈论一下：1.你的前两个论点很好，但感觉有种意犹未尽的感觉，最后的时候我不太理解你的那个蓝色句子。2.模板痕迹有些。觉得在形容词上，词汇有些偏单薄，有些不能很深刻准确的表达自己的想法。记得大神说过，托福作文常重视我们遣词造句的能力，可以看看鸟儿和prodliu他们的作文借鉴下好的形容词。在造句上，觉得还是中式思维多些，很直白的表达方式。3.求请教：在这个文章上要不要写些，虽然别人说他的坏话，但朋友的缺点也是客观事实，我们是不是要婉转的告诉他呢？

额，我水平不好，建议只作参考，在研究ETS作文大体喜欢什么不喜欢什么，等过几天看出来个什么子丑寅卯，再跟你切磋啦~

PS：呃，不好意思啊，现在才把你的作文改好，我的作文贴要明天才能放上去了，发现自己前期素材准备的不是很好，写起来磕磕绊绊的，受打击啊~~~~(>_<)~~~~

雅宝2011

happy 不好意思 食言了是在没勇气把那烂作文交给你改，sorry。那个我看了一下你其他的作文，发现了一个问题，好像都是一个模板啊？

tyyhappy

happy 不好意思 食言了是在没勇气把那烂作文交给你改，sorry。那个我看了一下你其他的作文，发现了一个问题，好像都是一个模板啊？

-- by 会员 雅宝2011 (2012/5/17 19:14:00)

to 雅宝2011
不好意思，才回复你哈。
关于上篇作文：
1count for意思是有价值有意义，我查了下这个应该当及物动词使用，所以我那个句子是错的，事实上，这是我自己造的一个句子。所以，看来不太适用哎。
2我也颇感词汇使用的时候不够用，可是也不知道应该怎么去解决这个问题，同时感觉自己的副词和形容词用的特别不顺手。
3这个朋友的例子我自己在用的时候心里面也很犹豫，觉得不合适，但是短时间内也想不出来了···
谢谢雅宝的认真批改。

关于雅宝的作文，没关系，雅宝什么时候出作品俺就去看看，提个建议之类类的。不过我觉得作文写出来就接受各种批评才不虚此写哈。

关于我的作文，雅宝没有说错哪，是一个模板，开头是仔细筛选的，结尾就随便写了写。中间论证的头尾是模板哪。这就是我大概会用的模板了，雅宝觉得这个模板可行不呢？^_^

关于雅宝的t,我个人觉得一定会获得好成绩哒，感觉雅宝的学习习惯很好。比如研究清楚ets和多看看别人的作文（这样挺好哒，学习好的，避免自己犯同样的错误。）。

共同努力哦，加油^_^

雅宝2011

to happy
哈哈，刚看到回帖啊。
那个谢谢鼓励，一起加油。
你手头上李笑来或是新概念么，不然你去看看鸟儿的作文贴吧，我个人不喜欢用模板，因为那样写作文总觉得在往上套，你会觉得作文是个流水线上的商品，而不是自己亲手雕琢的艺术品。鸟儿他们那些大神们的作文，很少可以看到模板的痕迹，但是不置可否的是，大家都是在模仿高分作文，最后形成自己的模板。

我觉得模板最重要的作用就是给你提供思路，和衔接感。happy 的模板用的很好，若不是我看你以前的，都没发现聪明的你用一个模板写了好几篇作文，(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……
说明你善于灵活运用，但是，我挺担心这样是拿不了高分啊。只是建议，建议啊。。。这两天要是付作文，@你哦，O(∩_∩)O哈哈~

加油`