婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会

N只梨花压海棠

8.20 your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

Nowadays there is a growing tendency for people to pursue happiness. Some consider achievement(这句话表达地应该是追逐吧，因为前面你用了pursue，这里可以用long for) on their career and hence pour bigger energy and time to their jobs. However, it is the over-engagement in work that makes people inclined to live in isolation and feel less cheerful. (漂亮)As far as I am concerned, social life exerts larger(greater) impact on one's happiness.  

To begin with, as humans are born with gregarious conviction(搜了好久没找到太好的词，但是conviction应该是不对的，instinct也许能对？), social life grants better chance for communication among people so as to deliver euphoria. As a saying goes "people gather in sake for joy". People communicate with each other in various ways such as conversation or speech. Devoted oneself to the laboratory work, he has to think on his own and implement experiments alone, thus he may feel crestfallen because of the narrowness of his thought.(这个例子不是太好，没法和下面构成对比) Conversely, once this guy opens his door then embraces persons around him even though a clothier or a vendor, he will reap the fruits of happiness. In this way, we(he will ) come to realize the charming of social life.

Furthermore, social life plays a critic(al) role on the enhancement of one's psychological health. For instance, generating(这词用得不对，orginating应该更好) approximately in the nineteenth century, the outside painters in America were more likely to suffer from mental illnesses, for their reluctance to others(for 表原因后面接从句). They usually kept their painting private and refused to chat with their fellows. Unluckily, most of they died from the agony of melancholia. Whereas, how comes if those eminent artist participated in their social life-showing their exquisite work to the public, discussing certain artistic skills with them, even appreciating a respite in the clement(mild就可以，clement在google上搜了一下没有看见修饰物的) sunlight. Hitherto, they would ultimately grin(嬉笑的意思，有点不太合适) and live a life filled with pleasure. Here, we safely get to touch benefits on health from social life.

Admittedly, I concede that money gained via painstaking work as well brings people with some elation to a degree. Specifically, a relatively high-rank in hospital promises a higher level of wage which makes it possible for a physician to purchase some delicate trinket and even luxury jewelry. Nevertheless, the amount of one's wealth is not necessarily in ratio to one's happiness. Due to his assiduous work, he may be eventually awarded an invidious position in his community, while at the cost of his health. This guy probably leaves an exhausted spirit because of the overbearing working tasks. Therefore, I am an opponent who fight against the over emphasis on the efficacious influence presented by job on one's happiness.(这段有点没太讲清道理，前面一直在说他努力工作，然后他就空虚了，这不能成为你反对他的原因啊，影响是大与不大，而不是开不开心)

To sum up, even if the large quantities of assets offered by one's job, he can not approach the essence of happiness. (同样的，要说effects)Only threw into the social life will one actually hug the warmness and comfort in his life, namely happiness.

To 婷婷同学  
1，又上了一堂词汇课~(╯﹏╰)，不过这次词汇用得比上次准确，尤其是一些高级词汇
2，单复数问题解决了，excellent
3,整个大体脉络没有问题，但是不知道我理解的对不对，effects是不分好与坏的，不能说social life令人幸福那它的影响就大
4，例子很给力！
5，well done

婷婷connie

8.20 改改后
8.20 your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

Nowadays there is a growing tendency for people to pursue happiness. Some consider long for(恩恩，确实是没有考虑清楚)achievement(这句话表达地应该是追逐吧，因为前面你用了pursue，这里可以用long for) on their career and hence pour bigger energy and time to their jobs. However, it is the over-engagement in work that makes people inclined to live in isolation and feel less cheerful. (漂亮)As far as I am concerned, social life exerts larger greater(greater) impact on one's happiness.

To begin with, as humans are born with gregarious conviction( conviction: a strong persuasion or belief是确定的意思，用在这里是想说人们与生俱来的就是群居的意识~应该木有错)(搜了好久没找到太好的词，但是conviction应该是不对的，instinct也许能对？), social life grants better chance for communication among people so as to deliver euphoria. As a saying goes "people gather in sake for joy". People communicate with each other in various ways such as conversation or speech. Devoted oneself to the laboratory work, he has to think on his own and implement experiments alone, thus he may feel crestfallen because of the narrowness of his thought.（说他是因为思维受到限制而不开心，跟后面对比不上，改成because of lack sharing his joy and depression with others ）(这个例子不是太好，没法和下面构成对比) Conversely, once this guy opens his door then embraces persons around him even though a clothier or a vendor, he will reap the fruits of happiness. In this way, we(he will ) come to realize the charming of social life.

Furthermore, social life plays a critic(al) role on the enhancement of one's psychological health. For instance, generating originating/deriving(这词用得不对，orginating应该更好) approximately in the nineteenth century, the outside painters in America were more likely to suffer from mental illnesses, forbecause of their reluctance to others(for 表原因后面接从句). They usually kept their painting private and refused to chat with their fellows. Unluckily, most of they died from the agony of melancholia. Whereas, how comes if those eminent artist participated in their social life-showing their exquisite work to the public, discussing certain artistic skills with them, even appreciating a respite in the clement(修饰天气的时候clement和mild是一个意思， MILD  *clement weather for this time of year*)(mild就可以，clement在google上搜了一下没有看见修饰物的) sunlight. Hitherto, they would ultimately grin（grin:to draw back the lips so as to show the teeth especially in amusement or laughter;  broadly   : SMILE，中文是咧嘴笑，可以用de ~）(嬉笑的意思，有点不太合适) and live a life filled with pleasure. Here, we safely get to touch benefits on health from social life.

Admittedly, I concede that money gained via painstaking work as well brings people with some elation to a degree. Specifically, a relatively high-rank in hospital promises a higher level of wage which makes it possible for a physician to purchase some delicate trinket and even luxury jewelry. Nevertheless, the amount of one's wealth is not necessarily in ratio to one's health, not mention happiness. Due to his assiduous work, he may be eventually awarded an invidious position in his community, while at the cost of his health. This guy probably leaves an exhausted spirit because of the overbearing working tasks. Therefore, I am an opponent who fight against the over emphasis on the efficacious influence presented by job on one's happiness.(这段有点没太讲清道理，前面一直在说他努力工作，然后他就空虚了，这不能成为你反对他的原因啊，影响是大与不大，而不是开不开心)（其实当时是想表达工作赚再多钱也没用钱不是万能的，它就买不到健康，最后可能工作累的心力交瘁，不知道怎么就写偏了，呜呜）

To sum up, even if the large quantities of assets offered by one's job, he can not approach the essence of happiness. So one's job's has less effects on his happiness.(同样的，要说effects)Only threw into the social life will one actually hug the warmness and comfort in his life, namely happiness.

To 婷婷同学
1，又上了一堂词汇课~(╯﹏╰)，不过这次词汇用得比上次准确，尤其是一些高级词汇
2，单复数问题解决了，excellent
3,整个大体脉络没有问题，但是不知道我理解的对不对，effects是不分好与坏的，不能说social life令人幸福那它的影响就大
4，例子很给力！
5，well done



自批：

1.理解题目层面上深度还不够（我是这样理解的，has more effect on happiness,等同于对happiness的作用大，就是让人更开心的，不知道有没有错？？）

2.文章的句式方面还能再提升一点，想倒装，强调，从句之类的

婷婷connie

8.21独立
8月21日 It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the lose of old friends.

As a recent investigation manifests that over 85% of residents have experienced moving to a new place once or twice, most people complain the lose of their intimate friends due to these moves. However, the information I have collected over last few years leads me to believe the notion that moving to a new pot is not a bad thing and even we benefit from it.

First of all, moving to a new spot does not necessarily mean that we will lose contact with our friends. It is the advent of technologic devices that enable us to keep in touch with our friends despite of the remote distance. In current society, even though computer receives more praise and abuse than any other inventions, its efficacious role in the association among people cannot be undermined. Additionally, with the use of a delicate mobile phone which exchange large amount of information by satellites circling around the earth, we can easily get any of our close friends within seconds. In this way, odds is great for us to maintain eternal friendship with our friends.

What is more, since the shift of house, namely social circle, motivates us to behave better, it is not an awful thing to remove to a new place. It is common perceived that a refreshing environment can grant people vigor and spunk with which an individual is more likely to achieve the acme of his career. Take my gregarious brother as a case, he used to be sales manager in a domestic company where people lack motivation to get improvement. Fortunately, he got a chance to immigrate to Germany. Hence he determined to be an assiduous man and he ultimately succeeded in the largest promotion-the first Chinese CEO in his company. In the case, we can feel the boost that a conducive move exert on one's success.

Admittedly, I concede that part of citizens may encounter some agonies during the adaptation to a new place to some degree. Spending a lot of time missing one's familiar occasions, such as his chess game with his old friends with euphoria or bargaining with the grocer from who he made most commodities with little anger, he probably is inclined to become gloomy. Nevertheless, it is only a matter of time. As time goes by, he will adjust himself to his current atmosphere-he make friends with his next-door and even take part in the weekly community party. Here, he is able to really enjoy his new life. Thus, the negative effects of inadaptation which prevents the advantages of move can be countervailed.

In sum up, considering all analysis above, we can safely come to the conclusion that moving to a new place has no correlation with loss of old friends, conversely it offers people vitality and encouragement to face a totally new life. As long as we hug our new life with cordiality will we benefit from it.

喵喵了个咪

8.21独立改
8月21日 It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the lose of old friends.

As a recent investigation manifests that over 85% of residents have experienced moving to a new place once or twice(感觉表述怪怪的像是一个新地方去了一两次，是不是可以改成moving once at least), most people complain the lose(loss) of their intimate friends due to these moves. However, the information I have collected over last few years leads me to believe the notion that moving to a new pot(你是想说spot吗。Pot好像没有地点的意思额) is not a bad thing and even we benefit from it.

First of all, moving to a new spot does not necessarily mean that we will lose contact with our friends. It is the advent of technologic devices that enable us to keep in touch with our friends despite of the remote distance. In current society, even though computer receives more praise and abuse(abuses) than any otherinventions, its efficacious role in the association among people cannot be undermined. Additionally, with the use of a delicate mobile phone which exchange large amount of information by satellites circling around the earth, we can easily get any of our close friends within seconds. In this way, odds is great for us to maintain eternal friendship with our friends.


What is more, since the shift of house, namely social circle, motivates us to behave better, it is not an awful thing to remove to a new place. It is common perceived(共识用view就可以了吧。这个词貌似没有名词的意思) that a refreshing environment can grant people vigor and spunk with which an individual is more likely to achieve the acme of his career. Take my gregarious brother as a case, he used to be a sales manager in a domestic company where people lack motivation to get improvement. Fortunately, he got a chance to immigrate to Germany. Hence he determined to be an assiduous man and he ultimately succeeded in the largest promotion-the first Chinese CEO in his company. In the case, we can feel the boost that a conducive move exert on one's success.

Admittedly, I concede that part of citizens may encounter some agonies during the adaptation to a new place to some degree. Spending a lot of time missing one's familiar occasions, such as his chess game with his old friends with euphoria or bargaining with the grocer from who he made most commodities with little anger, he probably is inclined to become gloomy. Nevertheless, it is only a matter of time. As time goes by, he will adjust himself to his current atmosphere-he make friends with his next-door and even take part in the weekly community party. Here, he is able to really enjoy his new life. Thus, the negative effects of inadaptation which prevents the advantages of move can be countervailed.

In sum up, considering all analysis above, we can safely come to the conclusion that moving to a new place has no correlation with loss of old friends, conversely it offers people vitality and encouragement to face a totally new life. As long as we hug our new life with cordiality will we benefit from it.



To婷婷：和几个月前相比婷婷进步真的好大啊！！！作为加油28分+！！！

1 语法基本没有什么错误。逻辑结构也很清晰。

2 我觉得文中大量用了形式主语和分词作主语什么的复杂的句式结构。虽然没有错误。但是用了太多反而给人感觉比较繁琐。相比之下你可以用些排比或者疑问什么的。

总之很好了。像你学习！

婷婷connie

8月22日 parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently

There is a general discussion over family education among residents. Some insist the importance of parents' involvement in children's work, conversely others applaud the development of children's working alone. The information I have collected over last few years leads me to belive that it is of greater significance on the encouragement of children's independence in solving problems.

First of all, prodding children to confront issues on their own undoubtedly will boost their capability to tackle various troubles. Since a child always rely on his parents' assistance as soon as he encounters a slight adversity, he can never grow up. As an aphorism goes, maturity not to see how old you, but your shoulders strong enough to multiple works. Willing to witness children's maturity, parents are supposed to put their hands away and urge their children to settle problems in solely. As time goes by, with the accumulation of pragmatic experience, the inchoate kid will grow up to be a capable man who can easily accomplish his goals even if any hardship. Here, children's independence will play a vital role in enhancing their working abilities.

Furthermore, besides the cultivation of children's talents on work, the encouragement can as well prompt children's self-confidence. To bolster my idea, I would like to show some stastics. An investigation, conducted by China Psychology Institute(CPI), unveils that over 85% of elites within bussiness field ascribe their spunk to the incitement from their parents who stressed the value of self-study in childhood. According to them, it is the development of their independence that increases their self-confidence when making a difficult choice, faced with a dilemma. Specifically, since a boy conquers a difficult mathematic question, he tends to be more self-assured to work out the others.

Nevertheless, opponents may outline the odds that children can easily make some disastrous mistakes without the help of parents. Yet I will not walk way from my point. Rendering great support to children's independent work, parents could still put appropriate supervision in case of the happen of emergencies. For instance, when a girl is learning to cook dishes on her own, a mother can keep accompany aside in the kitchen. Additionally, the father ought to oversee his naughty boy who is trying to climb the tree to get a bird nest.In these cases, with parent's proper care, hardly can children commit irredeemable faults.

To sum up, considering all analysis discussed above, we are able to reach a consensus that encouraging children to work independently enjoys the first priority in family education as it can not only foster children's problem-solving ability but make increment of self-confidence. As long as people pay attention properly to perilous tasks will the children go better in their life.

婷婷connie

8.21改改后~
8月21日 It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the lose of old friends.

As a recent investigation manifests that over 85% of residents have experienced moving to a new place once or twice moving once at least (恩恩，这么改挺好的说~)(感觉表述怪怪的像是一个新地方去了一两次，是不是可以改成moving once at least), most people complain the loseloss(loss) of their intimate friends due to these moves. However, the information I have collected over last few years leads me to believe the notion that moving to a new pot spot(手误！)(你是想说spot吗。Pot好像没有地点的意思额) is not a bad thing and even we benefit from it.

First of all, moving to a new spot does not necessarily mean that we will lose contact with our friends. It is the advent of technologic devices that enable us to keep in touch with our friends despite of the remote distance. In current society, even though computer receives more praise and abuse(abuses) than any otherinventions, its efficacious role in the association among people cannot be undermined. Additionally, with the use of a delicate mobile phone which exchange large amount of information by satellites circling around the earth, we can easily get any of our close friends within seconds. In this way, odds is great for us to maintain eternal friendship with our friends.


What is more, since the shift of house, namely social circle, motivates us to behave better, it is not an awful thing to remove to a new place. It is common perceived(喵童鞋~，这里的perceive是动词，it is +ved的形式~)(共识用view就可以了吧。这个词貌似没有名词的意思) that a refreshing environment can grant people vigor and spunk with which an individual is more likely to achieve the acme of his career. Take my gregarious brother as a case, he used to be a sales manager in a domestic company where people lack motivation to get improvement. Fortunately, he got a chance to immigrate to Germany. Hence he determined to be an assiduous man and he ultimately succeeded in the largest promotion-the first Chinese CEO in his company. In the（this） case, we can feel the boost that a conducive move exert(exerts) on one's success.

Admittedly, I concede that part of citizens may encounter some agonies during the adaptation to a new place to some degree. Spending a lot of time missing one's familiar occasions, such as his chess game with his old friends with euphoria or bargaining with the grocer from who he made most commodities with little anger, he probably is inclined to become gloomy. Nevertheless, it is only a matter of time. As time goes by, he will adjust himself to his current atmosphere-he make friends with his next-door (guys缺少名词)and even take part inthe weekly community party. Here, he is able to really enjoy his new life (there). Thus, the negative effects of inadaptation which prevents the advantages of move can be countervailed.

In sum up, considering all analysis above, we can safely come to the conclusion that moving to a new place has no correlation with loss of old friends, conversely it offers people vitality and encouragement to face a totally new（renovating） life. As long as we hug our new life with cordiality will we benefit from it.



To婷婷：和几个月前相比婷婷进步真的好大啊！！！作为加油28分+！！！

1 语法基本没有什么错误。逻辑结构也很清晰。

2 我觉得文中大量用了形式主语和分词作主语什么的复杂的句式结构。虽然没有错误。但是用了太多反而给人感觉比较繁琐。相比之下你可以用些排比或者疑问什么的。

总之很好了。像你学习！


自批：

1.单复数问题重现啊，真是小强一般的生命。。。

2.不要罗列复杂句式结构，文章的思想深度和清晰表达是关键(完全被G阅读毒害的年轻人啊啊)

喵喵了个咪

呀~婷婷换头像了~
好几个错误我都没有看出来呀。。继续努力！

N只梨花压海棠

8月22日 parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently

There is a general discussion over family education among residents. Some insist the importance of parents' involvement in children's work, conversely others applaud the development of children's working alone. The information I have collected over last few years leads me to belive that it is of greater significance on the encouragement of children's independence in solving problems. (it 作为形式主语，后面却没有可以代指的对象---建议：believe that it is of greater significance to encourage children's independence in solving problems, 这样it 就指代后面的不定式了)

First of all, prodding(好词) children to confront issues on their own undoubtedly will boost their capability to tackle various troubles. Since a child always rely on his parents' assistance as soon as he encounters a slight adversity, he can never grow up. As an aphorism goes, maturity not to see how old you, but your shoulders strong enough to multiple works. Willing to witness children's maturity, parents are supposed to put their hands away and urge their children to settle problems in(多余了) solely. As time goes by, with the accumulation of pragmatic experience, the inchoate kid(s) will grow up to be a capable man who can easily accomplish his goals even if any hardship(感觉是即使面对任何困难,even if faced with/confronted to/exposed to). Here, children's independence will play a vital role in enhancing their working abilities.

Furthermore, besides the cultivation of children's talents on work, the encouragement can as well prompt children's self-confidence. To bolster(好词) my idea, I would like to show some stastics(statistics). An investigation, conducted by China Psychology Institute(CPI), unveils that over 85% of elites within bussiness field ascribe their spunk to the incitement from their parents who stressed the value of self-study in childhood. According to them, it is the development of their independence that increases their self-confidence when making a difficult choice, faced with a dilemma(逻辑主语有问题,整个句子的主语应该是they, 但是这里表达的却是development of their independence为主语了). Specifically, since a boy conquers a difficult mathematic question, he tends to be more self-assured to work out the others.

Nevertheless, opponents may outline the odds that children can easily make some disastrous mistakes without the help of parents. Yet I will not walk way from my point. Rendering great support to children's independent work, parents could still put appropriate supervision in case of the happen of emergencies. For instance, when a girl is learning to cook dishes on her own, a mother can keep accompany aside in the kitchen. Additionally, the father ought to oversee his naughty boy who is trying to climb the tree to get a bird nest.In these cases, with parent's proper care, hardly can children commit irredeemable(点睛了) faults.

To sum up, considering all analysis discussed above, we are able to reach a consensus that encouraging children to work independently enjoys the first priority in family education as it can not only foster children's problem-solving ability but make increment of self-confidence. As long as people pay attention properly to perilous tasks will the children go better in their life.(最后一句children go better in their life  感觉有点中式表达了---建议bright future， promising career神马的)

TO 婷婷同学


写得越来越好了，看过的几篇中最好的一篇啦，抱着欣赏的态度看完的，绝对是28+的水平
1，词汇很恰当，很传神，又不失准确，继续加油
2，立意和逻辑很好
3，少量的句法错误，不影响大局
4，再接再厉

婷婷connie

呀~婷婷换头像了~
好几个错误我都没有看出来呀。。继续努力！

-- by 会员 喵喵了个咪 (2012/8/22 21:13:34)

嘿嘿，感觉这个头像比较欠扁~0~

婷婷connie

8.22 改改后
8月22日 parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently

There is a general discussion over family education among residents. Some insist the importance of parents' involvement in children's work, conversely others applaud(嘿嘿，这个词是从lxc那学得~) the development of children's working alone. The information I have collected over last few years leads me to belive thatit is of greater significance on the encouragement of children's independence in solving problems. It is of greater significance to encourage children's independence in solving problems.(这句话海棠小姐真是改绝了~) (it 作为形式主语，后面却没有可以代指的对象---建议：believe that it is of greater significance to encourage children's independence in solving problems, 这样it 就指代后面的不定式了)

First of all, prodding(好词) children to confront issues on their own undoubtedly will boost their capability to tackle various troubles. Since a child always rely on his parents' assistance as soon as he encounters a slight adversity, he can never grow up. As an aphorism goes, maturity not to see how old you, but your shoulders strong enough to multiple works. Willing to witness children's maturity, parents are supposed to put their hands away and urge their children to settle problems in(多余了) solely. As time goes by, with the accumulation of pragmatic experience, the inchoate kid(s)（这个地方婷婷感觉不应该加，因为要和后面的a man对应~）will grow up to be a capable man who can easily accomplish his goals even if (exposed to) any hardship(感觉是即使面对任何困难,even if faced with/confronted to/exposed to). Here, children's independence will play a vital role in enhancing their working abilities.

Furthermore, besides the cultivation of children's talents on work, the encouragement can as well prompt children's self-confidence. To bolster(好词)(uphold/embrace/buttress/champion/prop都是可以的)my idea, I would like to show some stastics statistics (statistics). An investigation, conducted by China Psychology Institute(CPI), unveils that over 85% of elites withinbussiness(business) field ascribe their spunk to the incitement from their parents who stressed the value of self-study in childhood. According to them, it is the development of their independence that increases their self-confidence when making a difficult choice, faced with a dilemma（是后面的faced with a dilemma产生歧义了，改成when facing a dilemma and choice）(逻辑主语有问题,整个句子的主语应该是they, 但是这里表达的却是development of their independence为主语了). Specifically, since a boy conquers a difficult mathematic question, he tends to be more self-assured to work out the others.

Nevertheless, opponents may outline the odds that children can easily make some disastrous mistakes without the help of parents. Yet I will not walk way from my point. Rendering great support to children's independent work, parents could still put appropriate supervision in case of the happen of emergencies. For instance, when a girl is learning to cook dishes on her own, a mother can keep accompany aside in the kitchen. Additionally, the father ought to oversee his naughty boy who is trying to climb the tree to get a bird nest.In these cases, with parent's proper care, hardly can children commit irredeemable(点睛了) faults.

To sum up, considering all analysis discussed above, we are able to reach a consensus that encouraging children to work independently enjoys the first priority in family education as it can not only foster children's problem-solving ability but make increment of self-confidence. As long as people pay attention properly to perilous tasks will the children go better in their lifehave a brighter future(确实很chinglish啊).(最后一句children go better in their life 感觉有点中式表达了---建议bright future， promising career神马的)

TO 婷婷同学


写得越来越好了，看过的几篇中最好的一篇啦，抱着欣赏的态度看完的，绝对是28+的水平
1，词汇很恰当，很传神，又不失准确，继续加油
2，立意和逻辑很好
3，少量的句法错误，不影响大局
4，再接再厉



呀呀，看到海棠的话，都不好意思了~

自批：

1.可以写复杂句，但是不要盲目增多，一定确定逻辑上有没有错误

2.看见一个chinglish就消灭一个

3.Everybody, fighting ~