【写作小分队】boboo弱弱的作文帖，大家多多拍砖哈O(∩_∩)O

Serena0710

In contemporary society, more and more people make decision to live in cities. I quite agree with this since people live in cities can take better care of their families than those live in rural areas.(开头的第一句不太扣题，因为你需要同意的是住在城市能更好的照顾家人，而不是决定去住在城市，总之就是逻辑上有些问题。)

To begin with, people living in cities earn more than those living in rural areas, so they can spend more money on their families. More job opportunities are （加一个offered吧~）in cities. This means you can easily choose a suitable job with a not low salary. With these salaries, you are able to buy food, drink, and many other life’s necessities for your family. Thus, your family's living quality is improved a lot. However, those who live in rural areas always accompany a low salary, so they cannot afford plenty of expensive things.( However, those who live in rural areas always being paid a low salary cannot afford plenty of expensive things.这样给人的感觉更清爽~你说捏~~)

On the other hand, living in cities means you can have a better chance to do some entertainment with your family because of the better facilities. Better facilities are in cities. Maybe there is a beautiful park near your home, so just go out with your family. For instance, my family all love films. We would like to see a film on weekends. After watching(加个逗号吧) we talk, we discuss, （逗号要改为and）we laugh, all of these can help us relax and relieve the pressure from work and study. But if we were in rural areas, it would be hard for us to go to a cinema.(虚拟语气，用的很好！)

Last but not the least, （在这里加个admittedly，逻辑上会更好）living in rural areas has many advantages, such as getting access to a better environment, but the poor transportation there sometimescause（causes） much inconvenience.
And there is no high level hospital. If your family member catch（catches）an accident（catch an accident? 亲~~要是没有足够的证据，请把catch换个词吧~用在这里怪怪的） and （thus）need（needs）a surgery, you can easier and faster get them to hospital（easier是形容词的比较级，且hospital用的是单数，前面要加冠词，所以这句话要改成 you can send them to the hospital more easily and faster） in cities than in rural areas. Sometimes time means life. And with the better transportation, you can go out with your family to travel and （这里必须有个动词，比如do）many other things.

From all these reasons, we can safely conclude people who live in cities can take better care of their families than people who live in rural areas, because of earning much, better education and convenient transportation.(这三个用的不太对称。考虑改成higher income, better education and more convenient transportation.)



点评：全文给出的三个观点较好，并且基本可以较好的用例子去论证所述的观点。

不足的地方有：

1.全文用了过多的you，即第二人称，显得不太客观，最好可以改成people，或citizen，或用they指代。

2.小地方多注意一下，比如单复数啊之类的

3.可以通过多看范文，多多积累精彩的表达~~这样文章可以更精彩，更丰富~~~

嘿嘿，我小啰嗦了。不过加油啦，我们一起进步~~

lixiang8747

The lecture mainly talks about the advantages of wood companies' ecocertifying in America. The reading passage is somewhat groundless, questionable and has some shortcomings when compared to the lecture.（这句话写得很漂亮，学习了，只是不知道是不是要再写得具体一点，否则所有综合写作第一句都可以这么写）

To begin with, contrary to the belief in the reading that customers will not pay attention to the ecocertification label and not trust the advertising claims, the listening hold the idea that customers can distinguish the advertisement with independent organizations. So they will trust the advertising.




On the other hand, the author says gaining ecocertification would make the product more expensive.（这里面还有重要的一点是说美国消费者比较关注价格，这我觉得一定要写出来原文里有tend to be strongly motivated by price这句话） The professor disagrees with that. He reckons if two products' cost are approximately the same, people will pay attention to their qualities, including whether it do harm for the environment.

Last but not the least, the professor points out that if American wood companies don't get certification, the import other countries' products having ecocertification maybe sell very well in America. So these American products will lose competition. This is the final part where the reading passage is different from the lecture. 你说第三点没听清楚，我觉得表达的挺好的。

boboo

2.25 综合

The lecture mainly talks about the predators’ theory to explain the otters' decline. The reading passage is somewhat groundless, questionable and having some shortcomings when compared to the lecture in three aspects.

To begin with, the listening material holds that we can easily see many otters are dead because of its predators, whereas we haven't find that one otter have been killed with the pollution reason. This directly opposed what the reading material say. In the reading material, the cause of otters' death is the pollution.

On the other hand, contrary to the belief in the reading that the whole ecosystem are affected by the pollution, the lecture reckons owing to the people's killing of whales, the population of the whales are decrease. Then the orcas have to change their diet to eat other small animals. This leads to affect the whole ecosystem.

Last but not the least, the professor states that the predators' theory also explains the uneven pattern of otters’ decline better. Since the orcas cannot get access to the shallow water, the number of otters which live there is not decline. The shallow water mainly is near the coast. The author does not solve this problem very well. He or she just suggests that maybe some reason create such uneven pattern. This is last place where the lecture contradicts the passage.

boboo

2.26 综合

The lecture mainly talks about the reasons why the number of people nowadays decline in reading literature. The passage is somewhat groundless, questionable and having some shortcomings when compared to the lecture.

To begin with, the lecture holds that these literatures are so good quality that many normal people could not easily enjoy. This directly contradicts what the reading passage says. However, the reading reckons that literature give us a lot of benefits. But we can benefit from other formation of culture, such as music and movies.

On the other hand, contrary to the belief in the reading that trivial forms of entertainment lowed the level of culture, the professor states that this is just the culture change. Music, movies and many other things are all should be included in culture. Listening to a piece of music, watching a movie and so on can all benefit us lot.

Last but not the least, the professor holds that we should not blame the audience since sometimes it's the author's mistake. Many people now prefer to read some earlier author's book rather than today authors. So there is no blame in these audiences. This is the last place where the lecture opposed the passage.

jiaosisisisi

boboo 好 你的综合  225 的 是我负责 revise  
我可能明天稍微晚些给你改
但是一定会改得 ~~~~~
最近事情太乱七八糟了 。。。希望理解一下额！
~~~~~~

jiaosisisisi

我的 在这里~~~咱们貌似是互相改的 额 ！！
你抽空嘲笑下我这个文章吧~~~~
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-667143-1-1.html

boboo

2-28 综合

The lecture mainly talks about the effects of private collectors selling and buying fossils. The reading is somewhat exaggerated, groundless and having some short comings when compared to the lecture.

To begin with, the reading material persists that it is hard for pubic to see their collections. Thus the pubic maybe decrease interest in fossils. However, the listening material directly opposed the reading. In the listening, the collections have a plenty of chance to be exposed, such as the small purchase.

What's more, on the contrary to the author’s opinion that scientists will lose opportunities to get access to these fossils and to observe them, the speaker states that the fossils should be identified by the scientists just before the private individuals get the fossils. So the scientists do not lose access to the fossils and thus do not miss out any discoveries. And the museums and universities can retain their fossils without selling them.

Last but not the least, the professor reckons that the undiscovered are mainly these unearthed fossils. We should pay more attention to these things. Thus, there is no worry about the small evidence destroying. This is the last part where the lecture contradicts the reading.

boboo

2-28 独立


Have you ever borrowed some money from your friend? Have you ever been not allowed to smoke by your friend? Have you ever been given the shirt off your friend's back? If you have never had such experiences, you would never know the importance of choosing friends that will help you when you are in need. Hence, in my eye, there is no denying that choosing friends that will help you when you are in need is much more important than choosing friends that could have fun with. The reason for this opinion involves many aspects.

To begin with, friends can help us when we are in troubles, which enable us to live a much better life. Everyone meet plenty of difficulties and complexities in life. If you had a friend, it would be much easier for you to solve your problem. For instance, when I was in high school I took part in a long distance running race. My several school friends took part in, too. I had done my utmost to cover the long distance. However, when I nearly finished the final line I fell down and could not stand up. There was no one but my friend Kitty went to me and helped me stand and sent me to the clinic. I was told by the doctor that I broke my arm. If it were not my friend Kitty, the situation might get worse. . It is conceivable that choosing friends that will help you when you are in need means a lot.

On the other hand, sometimes it even does harmful to our life to choose friends that would have fun with. Maybe your friends have a bad hobby such as smoking. Every times when they meet you they give you a cigarette. They even blame you if you do not light it up. Thus you probably get into the habit of smoking. There is no doubt smoking is harmful to our health.  

From all the analysis above, we can safely conclude that the importance of choosing friends that will help you when you are in need can never be exaggerated. It is universally acknowledged that an adage saying "a friend in need is a friend indeed". So we can easily differentiate the true friends by using this rule.

jiaosisisisi

我今天晚上之前给你改好吧~~~

jiaosisisisi

蓝色表示 可能有问题，附加我的观点
红色表示 很赞
绿色表示  我的感后感
Have you ever borrowed some money from your friend? Have you ever been not allowed to smoke by your friend? (这个被动+否定，貌似第一眼会有一些绕)Have you ever been given the shirt off your friend's back? If you have never had such experiences, you would never know the importance of choosing friends that will help you when you are in need. Hence, in my eye, there is no denying that choosing friends that will help you when you are in need is much more important than choosing friends that could have fun with. The reason for this opinion involves many aspects.
（用了N个问句开头，比较attractive，很脱颖而出的开头方式，最后一句切入话题的句子也很好，我喜欢involve这个词）
To begin with, friends can help us when we are in troubles, which enable（这个which指代是什么呢，跟enable是不是要淡淡地agree一下）us to live a much better life. Everyone meet plenty of difficulties and complexities in life. If you had a friend, it would be much easier for you to solve your problem. For instance, when I was in high school （这里其实需要一个逗号，因为是一个是when引导的时间状语从句，一个是I 做了什么什么的主句，）I took part in a long distance running race. My several school friends （建议可以用下Several of my schoolmates also比较简洁点）took part in, too. I had done my utmost to cover the long distance. However, when I nearly finished the final line I fell down and could not stand up. There was no one but my friend Kitty went to me and helped me stand and sent me to the clinic. I was told by the doctor that I broke my arm. If it were not my friend Kitty, the situation might get worse. . It is conceivable that choosing friends that will help you when you are in need means a lot.（这句辞藻很不错，赞一个！
但是美中不足，其实我跟你也是一样的，。。。。。第一段的话结尾都是重复了一下同样的观点，感觉段落重点不是很突出。。。。我们共勉啊）
On the other hand, sometimes it even does harmful （do good to 或者do harm to 中间的是名词吧）to our life to choose friends that would have fun with. （貌似have fun of 是仅仅玩的比较好，或是打哈哈那种的，貌似没有贬义我的理解是）Maybe your friends have a bad hobby such as smoking. Every times when they meet you they give you a cigarette. They even blame you if you do not light it up. Thus you probably get into the habit of smoking. There is no doubt smoking is harmful to our health.  （我的理解是文中问大家交仅仅是一起能玩high的朋友比较重要，还是挚友比较重要。本段貌似可以再明细下观点，可以更加突出地支持你的top sentence
From all the analysis above, we can safely conclude that（这句我感觉非常local，虽是经常用的句子）the importance of choosing friends that will help you when you are in need can never be exaggerated. It is universally acknowledged that an adage saying "a friend in need is a friend indeed". So we can easily differentiate the true friends by using this rule.
题目是 A跟B 哪个好，我看你的结构大致是 A 好， B不好 的段落结构，
可是感觉观点不是很明晰，我觉得你的outline可能跟我一样都列的不是很structured 吧
不过，总体语言还是很流畅的，加油！